Ex-Krewe Captain --- Wow! what a Krewe!!!
 

The Fabulous Krewe of Underwear 

Krewe History

The Krewe of Underwear was founded in [the early 1980s] as a sub-krewe of the storied Krewe of Clones. This wild, satirical Carnival parade, which first marched in 1978, was based out of New Orleans' Contemporary Arts Center.

Unfortunately, in 1986, infighting among the Krewe/CAC leadership, combined with pressures from the City due to the parade occurring the night before the Super Bowl was to be played in New Orleans, caused the untimely demise of the Krewe of Clones. Not wishing to be denied a good time or any excuse for wild excess, the Krewe of Underwear along with another Clones sub-krewe, the Krewe of Mama Roux, held a "Clone Funeral". An anatomically correct (and erect) clone was created and placed on a funeral cart, and a short march to a party site was planned.

At the last minute, the individual most responsible for the entire problem got word of the plans, and called the police on the unauthorized march. Informed by New Orleans' finest that they could not march in the street, since that would block traffic, the Underwearians and their fellow mourners marched on the sidewalk, while eleven police cars rolled along next to them, blocking the street far more effectively than the marchers ever could have.

That same year, two other Clones sub-krewes, the Seeds of Decline and the Krewe of C.R.U.D.E., held their own informal march on Mardi Gras itself, in the French Quarter. After Carnival was over that year, the two groups got together, established an official parade date (three Saturdays before Mardi Gras, the old Clones date), and received permission to march in the French Quarter. Thus was born the Krewe du Vieux Carre (the old, French name for the Quarter), now shortened to Krewe du Vieux. The first Captain of Krewe du Vieux was Underwear's own Craig "Spoons" Johnson.

As a founding sub-krewe of Krewe du Vieux, Underwear is a leader in theme and float creativity, satire, obscenity, and general crazed celebration. Instantly recognizable by the long, red union suits that are the basis of Underwear apparel (not to mention the only underwear ever worn by most krewe members), the Krewe of Underwear takes on political follies, social norms and a large amount of alcohol every year in the best parade in New Orleans, the Krewe du Vieux.

 Krewe Themes

Each year, the mother krewe establishes a theme for the parade, and each sub-krewe then interprets it in their own inimitable fashion.

Krewe of Clones

1983: Apocalypse N. O.
The krewe saluted this theme with "Krewe of Underwear Takes a Toxic Dump".

1984: Ken and Barbie Go To the World's Fair
Underwear presented "Ken Eats Barbie-Q At the World's Fair". The float had a male and a female mannequin, posed suggestively, turning on a spit over a barbecue grill, while members paraded as Kens, Barbies and chefs.

1985: Celebrity Tragedy
One of Clones' best themes led Underwear to build a large, papier mache John Belushi head, with a clear straw coming out of his nose and going to a pile of cocaine. The first animated float in Underwear history, the pile of cocaine concealed a container of dry ice. Every ten seconds, the dry ice would send a puff up the straw, and Belushi's eyes would roll back and shut. The animation worked perfectly all day long, and for at least the first hundred yards of the parade.

1986: The Clone Funeral
Lamenting the demise of Clones, Underwear and the Krewe of Mama Roux staged a Clone Funeral, complete with anatomically erect Clone and a visit from the police.

Krewe du Vieux

1987: Odd Couples
With the first Krewe du Vieux parade rolling on Valentine's Day, Odd Couples seemed an appropriate theme. The parade’s featured odd couple was Charmaine Neville and Sheriff Harry Lee (in effigy).

1988: Krewe du Vieux Eats Out
In this presidential election year, during which New Orleans hosted the Republican Convention, Underwear presented the Republican candidates in a culinary mode, with "The G.O.P. Eats It". Large heads of the candidates were accompanied by convention-style signs, and red, white and blue top hats set off the red underwear superbly.

1989: Krewe du Vieux Predicts
In one of its finest hours, Underwear predicted "Ronald Reagan Returns to Hollywood". The krewe presented three new Reagan films: "Missing In Action II: the Reagan Years"; "The Ronny Horror Picture Show"; and a porno flick, "Bedtime With Bonzo". The float featured posters for all three epics, but was dominated by a large bed with a scantily clad Underwearian woman chained to it and an Underwearian man (reportedly but not confirmed as her husband) in a gorilla suit and a Reagan mask doing the wild thing. Parade-goers still remember this tableau fondly.

1990: Krewe du Vieux Smells Something Fishy
Combining the political brouha over turtle excluder devices with pop culture, Underwear's contribution was "Upper Crustaceans Exclude Mutant Ninja Turtles". Krewe members marched as either socially elite shrimp and crawfish or excluded turtles, surrounding a shrimp boat float.

1991: Lost Conventions
Marching as the "900 Club", Underwearians offered a variety of numbers to call for illicit telephone pleasures.

1992: Krewe du Vieux Rights the News
With long-time supporter and Times-Picayune columnist Angus Lind as King, Krewe du Vieux indeed righted the news, with the debut of its now legendary annual publication, Le Monde de Merde. In honor of the turmoil surrounding the break-up of the Soviet Union, Underwear marched as starving Russians under the theme "Better Fed Than Red". "Will Work for Vodka" was a popular parade sign, the Hammer and Pickle was the official insignia, and krewe members offered to trade nukes for cukes.

1993: Posthumorously Yours
As Krewe du Vieux lamented the loss of three of the oldest Carnival parades due to political shenanigans, Underwear presented the "Dead Celebrity Sperm Bank". With stiff penalties for early withdrawal, the krewe's float featured a Wheel of Fortune-type wheel with different dead celebrities filling each space, and a phallic cannon -- complete with two blue-painted beer balls dangling -- from which white Mardi Gras pearl beads were ejaculated.

1994: The Ballot of New Orleans
With the parade marching on local election day, Underwear offered "A Bureaucracy of Dunces" in honor of city government. The float portrayed Shitty Hall, complete with a port-o-let, and krewe members marched as indifferent, ignorant and incompetent city officials and workers.

1995: Unnaturally New Orleans
Underwear puffed up with "Unnatural Selection: Survival of the Fattest". Adopting the beloved New Orleans cartoon characters Vic and Nat'ly, Underwearians stuffed massive amounts of cotton into their red underwear and honored the real heavyweights of history.

1996: Krewe du Vieux Achieves Decade-ence
In recognition of the unlikely feat of presenting its tenth parade, the mother krewe hit a new low this year. Underwear chipped in with "Ten Years/Inches of Pleasure", and float hoisting the world's largest Lucky Dong.

1997: Krewe du Vieux Goes Deep
Once again, the Stupor Bowl landed in New Orleans the night before the parade, and Krewe du Vieux made the most of this national exposure. "Krewe of Underwear Penetrates the End Zone" was the krewes annual (anal?) interpretation of the theme, as krewe members went as cheerleaders, referees, fans, and football players (tight ends, free radical safeties, wideouts, etc.).

1998: Souled Down the River
Decrying creeping commercialism and the influx of dreaded chain restaurants, banks, drug stores and other anomalies into the Crescent City, Krewe du Vieux went all out this year, putting on its annual ball (the Krewe du Vieux Doo) in a closed department store that had fallen casualty to national chain competition. Underwear went after commercial creep (and creeps) in another great New Orleans event, offering "The New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Funeral". With food items like Crawfish Monica Lewinsky, $25 bottles of water, and corporate sponsors like Rong-Aid, Bank None and the Outhouse of Blues, it was a payola success.

1999: Krewe du Vieux's Urban Myths
The famed "Louisiana Payride" was Underwear's contribution to mythology this year; the float was a jail cell ("Club Fed") containing ex-governor and convict-to-be Edwin "The Silver Zipper" Edwards. Fast Eddie was accompanied by the Crotchless Twirling Candy Dancers as well as fellow convicts, and krewe members distributed riverboat casino gambling licenses to lucky parade-goers.  

2000: The Trojan Whores 
With the Idiots and the Oddities in mind, the Krewe traveled back in time to the famed Trojan Whores. Our mascot was none other than the famous horse of the period. Members of the raiding party donned squirty boobs and Trojan shields to protect themselves from the maurading crowds.

2001: A Space Phallacy
Ever-alert Underwearians observed Texas aliens taking over the White House, which they communicated to the world via the theme “Austin Space”.  A stetsonesque space ship carried the invaders past a barrage of CHAD missiles as the Krewe paraded as Texans, aliens and cheerleaders.

2002:  Depraved New World
The sorry condition of the streets in the city caused Underwear to decry a “Depaved New Orleans”.  Eager to rectify the situation, the Krewe presented the Hoh Brothers Erection Company, covering the streets with assphalt.  The hard-hatted workers, like the On-Your-Back-Ho operator, were serviced by their very own Pot Hos.

2003:  Off the Record
Underwear went behind the scenes at City Hall to repel political corruption with a new, extra strength spray called “Bayou Off”.  As a giant can sprayed the seat of government, the Krewe marched as mosquitos and pest control specialists.  The first rainstorm in the history of Krewe du Vieux did not deter the marchers, though even less of the costumes than usual made it to the end of the parade.

2004: Quest for Immorality
NOMA’s exhibit on the Egyptian afterlife inspired the mother krewe to eternal lows.  Underwear, caught in the School Board vortex, succumbed to “Payroll Seduction”.  With a lavishly heiroglyphed float and money everywhere, the marchers portrayed such ancient Nile immortals as Clitopatra, Cannubis, Whorus, and King Tut-tut-tut.

2005: WWKdVD (What Would Krewe du Vieux Do)
Religious fervor gripped the Krewe as they portrayed “The Passion of the Underwear”.  A pair of the Krewe’s signature long red underwear hung starkly on a giant cross aboard the float, while Underwearians marched as disciples, saints and (in a recurring theme) harlots.  Most, however, were sinners.

2006: C’est Levee
Krewe du Vieux was the first parade to march post-Katrina, generating worldwide publicity and greatly uplifting the spirits of the biggest and most enthusiastic local crowd ever.  Underwearians stayed on a movie kick, as “The Corpse of Engineers Presents A Day at the Breach”.  Gov. Blanco and Mayor Nagin sipped hurricanes in front of a breaching levee on the float, surrounded by marching breach-goers and Army Corpse zombies.

2007: Habitat for Insanity
Rebuilding New Orleans one party at a time, after one of the craziest years ever, it was “Alice in Underland” as the adventurous Krewe put on a psychedelic tea party.  With George W. Bush as a hookah-smoking caterpillar atop a Superdome mushroom, party guests included Governor Alice and C. Ray Dormouse.  Mad Hatters and Red Queens accompanied the float, and lots of heads got off.

2008: Magical Misery Tour
Keeping with the fast pace of local politics and highly processed instant cuisine, Underwear launched the "Vitter's Family Values Meal: When One Wendy Isn't Enough". Meals were equipped with a David, TWO Wendys, and lots of warm buns. Side items were SUPERSIZED lies, and your choice of wife or mistress sized hot stuffed potatos that cum with David's special little pickle.

2009: Stimulus Package
Faced with an insurmountable pile of debt (among other piles), including trillions of dollars owed to the People’s Republic of China, the United States government announced today that the entire country has
gone into foreclosure as this year, bravely, "Underwear Goes Down with Uncle Sam". Keys to the Capitol were handed over to the Chinese ambassador, Fat Wang, and all the monuments were immediately coated with red lead-based paint.

2010: All Fired Up!
After falling into a bottomless New Orleans pothole, Underwearians discovered themselves in "Dante's Inferno: The Ninth Circle/Ward of Hell." They met there with Edwin “the Silver Zipper” Edwards, Eddie “the Price is Right” Price, Greg “Smile for the Crime Camera” Meffert, Aaron “The Evacuator” Broussard, and Tim “The Pensioner” Whitmer. They had lunch with Ray “Screw Everybody” Nagin, and when they saw Dollar Bill Jefferson frozen in a lake of cold cash, they decided hell had indeed frozen over and returned to New Orleans to watch the Saints win the Superbowl.

2011: 25 Years Wasted!
Live from BAREYOURDERRIER BAY – The Oscar world is already buzzing as word leaks out like oil about the Krewe of Underwear’s latest epic film, “Tales From the Silver Sheen”. A classic “creature-feature” horror pic, “Tales” begins not long after the failure of the blowjob preventer at the BP(Bootlicking Pinheads) Deepwater Horizon well. As the toxic mixture of oil and dispersants courses through the water, overwhelmed animals of the Gulf begin mutating into creatures scarier than BP (Blubbering Pussy) CEO Tony Haywimp himself.

2012: Crimes Against Nature!
Capitalizing on the current trend of ever more Americans seeking to improve their personal appearance without actually having to work for it, the always enterprising Krewe of Underwear has opened a new cosmetic surgery center. Established inan isolated location on the little-known Bayou Beautox, the clinic is operated by the surgical team of Doctors Snip, Clip, Nip and Tuck.

2013: TBD!
We're still workin' on it!!!

 

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This Site Updated: April 1, 1972 using Atari Pong ver. 1.0.

©1983 - 2012 The Krewe of Underwear - Semper Ubi Sub Ubi